Where

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. I can no longer think straight. My brain feels all fuzzy. And when I try to concentrate on a thought it slips past me. I know there is something important I need to tell you but I can't for the life of me think of what it is. Right now there seems like nothing I can say to you. I wish you would say something to me first then maybe I could think. Maybe from what you say a spark or thought, something could be caught and held for more than a nano second. I wish I could have caught you and held you for more than a nano second. I wish I had held my tongue and just let things be. I wish I could see your face one more time. But here I am stuck wishing and never having what it is I want. And it seems to me that the only thing I want these days is you. I wish you could be with me to experience what I experience and to know what I know. I wish you could listen to me and understand me. I thought you were one of the specials. But I was wrong. I wish I didn't love you but I can't figure out how to stop. I wish I didn't want to stop. And now you know this is where I am, stuck in this endless loop trapped and alone wishing it would change knowing that it wont. Looking for your grace even after it is gone. Hoping it'll be back because if it's not I will have lost everything I've ever loved. Everything I've every wanted or loved was all in one place and I know I should have been smarter but that isn't the case. So now I'm stuck hoping for your grace.