Cumberland Part 2

What a tiring but rewarding day. Aside from the usual church goers house I when to two houses today and met some of the dear childerens parents. I must admit it was shocking lol to see Josesh's mom with a cucumber mask thingy on. Sorry I don't know the name. I also met Emerson's mom or rather saw her through a window and spoke with on the phone. This is the best trip I've been on. I honestly don't know how I feel on trips like this because I love to play with the kids orderly or disorderly. I am foolish perhapes when it comes to such things for I will or rather did restly a number of youngsters in deep snow without proper atire which is to say I didn't have boots or snow pants and my feet were very cold after. I must honor myself in the fact that I believe more of them were faced wash comparativly to the amount of the one I got. But Back on topic here is the Kids Carnival we hosted, it may have seemed like utter chaos to some but to me it was a wild sport of fun. I never felt things were not in control but I was the only one with the thought. I am never good with sitting down and following a plan of action for the entertainment of kids. As I have proven in mexico: While other memebers of are facide team held to little interaction due to an inability to comunicate I demolished cross cultural drawbacks with a few spins. I simple started a fun game of "Zombie." A game I made to mix the balance of spining youngsters to the ponit of exahstion. When tired you simply colapse and when vaunerable kids love to take advantage. Oh I would say everytime I fell to the ground with a giant crash that I swear shook the foundation of the building the kids would pile on by the 10's. And after a few moments of realxation or as much as one can get with 20 kids on top of you I would groan and slow pull myself up. The kids loved this and as soon as I shook myself free of the mound that bound me down I would be back to spining. To some this may have looked like utter chaos to me it looked like love. Although I was one of the first to adapt to minor spanish and hand signals in a form of understanding. This game of chaos I feel is what actually made the bond. I even managed to make a freind. Little Hose:) he wouldn't go around anyone else but me and demanded I sit with him during lunch everyday after I joined. I called him spiderman Kid lol because he always wore a red Spiderman fleece outfit. Anyway my point is that if we would have just sat there doing the routine of dancing with actions to songs we couldn't understand and little else I don't think we would have had as great an effect. So anyway I feel like sometimes I cause this burden to the others who can't handle or see chaos where I see opprutunity and therefore make it much more stressful on their part. But I will prove my case by saying this. While others were sitting chatting with the older youth. I gave a multitude of horseback and sholderrides to the yound kids. Now there was on girl there and her name has slipped my mind except that it started with a D and sounded like a common J name. Anyway she would not speak to anyone. During the carnival she stayed off to the side and I assume was only present because of her sibblings. Any question given to her was answer with a small nod or a shake of her head but by the end of the night she was talking with me as if we had alwasy know each other. And I walk them home. I honestly believe I misitered to these kids better than any words could. I mean when I walked Josesh and his sisters home when we got there he demanded that we came in and met his dog and mom and when I stated we had to leave he wondered why. So my feelings are mix because I love the way I do things and I honestly believe God uses me in this way but I hate to see the rest of my team in a rut because they feel like it's chaos. I feel like my games with the kids bring a certain demenor to the rests authority over the situation. Anyway I have sort of been rambling and have also touch this topic before. I just want to say that I feel like I have accomplished a lot today and that a barrier was broken with these families. Especially with Joseth's. I hope muchly that they and their mom join for church tomorrow as invited to. I know I feel that a barrier has been broken down but I feel teh enemies deffence is still as strong as ever here and I have felt the I need to pray for a spritual battle. I have this fear of a great evil here and as I was sitting in the pues I kept thinking of Belzzebub (sp) and I am not one to say that demon is here because none can know for sure the things of the spirit relm but I prayed against it. I honestly felt an evil pressence here and I was scared. My heart pines for the lost here and I dread leaving those here unequiped. I especialy fear for the kids souls. In conclution today has been a good day though still I feel the sence of great barriers here and i would ask that anyone who reads this and is a believer would pray for the cummunity in a major spiritual battle.

Cumberland

It's the first day and I can tell there is something happening here. It's going to be good. I can tell that my issues are goign to be a burden on the team. I hope that I wont be affected by it because if I am not that will dampen the effect on the others. I am confused about this because I don't fell like I harbour any negative feelings towards this aspect and then all of the sudden there they are coming up to haunt me. I constantly feel this twinge of regret and when sometimes I am filled with a false sence of hope that is quickly shattered. That is when it affects me the most. that is when I get mad or frustrated. I want to just leave it up to God and I try to but there are days when I wonder if he'll make things right the way I see it. I get scared somedays because I don't know how I would handdle it. Yet it seems it's not the same as before because God has blessed me with two great Friends to help cope. Even if they don't know the situation I can ease myself this way. Funny how God knows to do these things because honestly if I didn't have them I wouldn't be here I would have lost all hope. Holy Is the Lord God almighty and the Earth is filled with his Glory.

The Art of Losing

The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something everyday. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, I lost two cities, two rivers, a continent. I miss them but it wasn't a disaster. Even losing you the joking voice and gesture I love. I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not to hard to master though it may look like a disaster.


I think he wants to sound detached. He wants to sound like it doesn't matter because he know deep down how bad it's going to feel to lose...

Lose what or whom? Is it a lover?

No it's a friend!


For you

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And what ever is done by only me is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide. It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

Mind over matter

Paul Enns from Mexico was in and so last night I went to her him speak and talk with him a little. What he spoke on was nothing big. He was speaking on how we as a church make it possible for him as a missionary to do his calling. I noticed however that he had a typical pattern. Several times through out his speaking he talked about our support and saying he prayed about it and it happend. And at one time he said "I was praying about it" then stoped himself and said "of course I was praying about it." That is when it hit me; God was always answering his prayers and providing in miraculous ways. I then realised I lack prayer. I need to be a person who prays. Luckly for me I have found a commitment partner to keep me accountable an gently remind me of my daily focous. Anyway I thought about it and it seemed like a good idea and I said to myself I should do this thing which Paul a man whom I look up to as a spirtual leader has set as a standered. But I only thought about it as a possiblity as a wise idea from a wise man. Then today I went to church and Pastor John another man of major spiritual influence spoke and Pray again came up. This is when I knew; Pray is not just a simple thing that a wise man does. It is not just a good suggestion or a even a command that you only use for a bed time ritual or even a meal time grace. There are many people who do not believe in God and still pray at meal times or before bed. No Pray is God telling you he wants to talk with you. Pray is a command for all times. Pray is important. When you slack off you slack off in your faith; nothing happens without pray. Anyway I realised I have slacked off and need to spark the fire again.

Love

I thought for a time I was in love. But I don't know. Is that strange?
No. There are many ways to love someone. Sometimes we want love so much we're not too choosy about who we love. Other times we make love such a pure and noble thing no poor human can ever meet our vision. But for the most part, love is a recognition, an opportunity to say, 'There is something about you I cherish.' It doesn't entail marriage, or even physical love. There's love of parents, love of city or nation, love of life, and love of people. All different, all love.

Makes you think doesn't it. I mean talking about love here is and important thing but maybe love could be replaced.

Nothing

I'm scared.

I don't know what to do.

I pray and ponder but everything I do seems wrong somehow, even doing nothing.