Control

Emotions are such a big thing. I just got home from deeper but on my way home I had to ask a friend if we were still friends. You see I almost lost hope, but for some reason she decided to offer me a ride on Friday. I am involved with a youth group on Fridays with her and so she told me that we were getting better. She said that there were still some things that she couldn't tell me but other then that we were good. Now to understand my response I think that you might need to know the nature of this friendship. It was a very intimate thing there was a level of trust which I have only met with her and we both shared very real but very secret parts of our lives. So when this friendship was damaged I felt a great loss. Anyway I told her I don't think it would every be ok because there is a part of me that will always be discontent but I have learnt to ignore that dicontentment. As long as I ignore it I can at least have fun when she is around. The conversation went on a bit about how I dealt with my discontent and I then said I have to deal with it that way because if I continue with trying to understand it or to get her to open up to me again it will only make things worse. I then gave the example of the conversation because I think it did not go well I expressed my concern that she would let another mutual friend of ours know and then that friend would become mad at me even more so than she already is. Anyway the point I am trying to make here is that I have this emotion of discontent or maybe even bitterness in me that I am wrestling with and it sometimes overflows into my conversation with my friends. I never wanted that conversation to go bad and I never wanted to harm any of my relationships but because I let that emotion fester I made some bad choices. We see the opposite of this all the time in Christianity. God is love and when people know God they know love. If you think about it and meditate on it then it will be hard put to keep it from affecting the way you live. I need to take my own advise because so often I find myself thinking about the bad. Thinking why does it happen to me and trying to justify it or saying it is my fault and trying to fix it. But I tell you when you respond in kind it only makes things worse. And it is times when something happens like your friend decides to hate you that you need to have love/God because then you'll respond in love instead of in bitterness or anger. And as hard as it can be to accept something and just show love that is the only way it will ever be repaired. For anyone who is like me and sometimes finds it hard to find love in those times. Here is how you do it. JESUS, he died for us if that isn't enough love found then maybe you don't understand what it means.