The newest of the new

Ok, so we all go through some tough times and right now I'm at one of those spots. Well of course being the way I am, I just want to fix things and I always seem to try to do it myself. You see I have a natural talent for such moments. However this time my talent fails me. There are certain character flaws that have come to my attention which really can be concerning. But of course no one wants to hear what they did wrong and what they could have done better so naturally I ignored it. Anyway to make a long story short I have taken some time in the past week to sit and read my bible. Now I don't say this to make myself sound better or honor myself but only to say this; oddly enough a book, which to some people is just a story and to others is a waste of time, can if we give it the opportunity help us. Now I am not saying there was a "conversion over night" reaction when I started to read but it helped to slowly shift even the oldest of mind sets. It is crazy for me to even grasp what I am saying and I admit that one man's testimony is never valid that is why I urge you to test for yourself the validity of my statements. You see I like to try to fix things from the side lines. For example I will bring into light a recent argument of mine with a friend. Shayla (to keep confidentiality the name has been changed) and I suddenly hit a bump in the road of our friendship. I, being stubborn, demanded that my friend bend to my wishes. Of course as the fight prolonged I began to see the true roots of our transgressions towards each other and decided I would try to repair our friendship. I began to take various methods in trying to sway Shayla into hanging out with "the group." To my dismay they always seemed to fail. I will admit that as my trials kept failing my frustration rose. I began to get angry with Shayla for not making time though I never actually took direct action. I would apologize for being stubborn and if it was thought that I was being rude in anyway but I was still frustrated. It is amazing what some people think an apology means. Shayla would take my apology and assume that everything was alright but she still refused to make time. You see she thought that if she made time I would then demand to talk about our argument and I admit at first that is what I wanted. However as time progressed I only want to be in her company without the judgmental attitude. You see I am as guilty as she in this but she assumes that I am mad or that I want to talk about our argument and then makes assessments of my behavior with that thought in mind. I however was and am not mad most of the time so her assessments being based on that criteria were and are false. It makes for a very stressing time. Now we stand at I have said my apologies but do not want to get into another situation where I feel I am being judged. I will admit that I do not know were to go but all I know is that every time I read my Bible I feel at ease and I am never mad after. So basically I can't do this on my own I tried and failed but when I go to God it helps so moral of the story is try it, it will help.